Satisfaction, the journey..

There are two types of satisfactions. One, where any question that arises in my mind is answered because of prior experience of similar type which could be extrapolated or intrapolated. Those answers are in the box of my education, my experience, my field of thoughts and my books. I feel satisfied and satiated with those answers. This satisfaction is of reaching destination. There is another type of satisfaction where the question that arises in my mind goes on the journey of an unknown. Those questions don’t carry the weight of all that I know. What I know is always with me but is weightless. Mind intervenes and clings to an answer, to what I know. I question that answer and journey of unknown begins again. This satisfaction is of being in the journey. Are we caught up in reaching destination and missing the fun in the journey?

Self in the Shelf

There was something about books. Their cover page, colours, author, subject, smell, size language, age, something that attracted me. It began with passion but got mixed up with infatuation. I collected books from Flora Fountain in Mumbai from roadside book shops. Slowly, the number of books started increasing. I started collecting them, didn’t read all of them. My ego about the number of books was inflating. I was becoming a subject matter expert (SME as they call it) in subjects that I read and spent time on. If I ask sincerely, what transformation have those books caused in me, I don’t find any concrete answer; its more towards no. Nevertheless, after reading the same book after a gap of 15-20 years the depth of the subject has definitely changed for me.

Books have had a great impact on my life but not so much to have caused a permanent impression on my personality. The like or dislike about authors/books rose like a wave and faded out. It was similar to watching a movie and then forgetting about it.

By seeing books in the bookshelf one definite thing is ‘I feel good!’ The meaning of these books are changing with time. Nothing surely changed in the book, what changed in me to have deepened the meaning? Can the meaning become infinitely deep? All the texts which are trying to describe deeper meaning of life have been interpreted millions of times by millions of people. If same text appears different to us at different time, its not surprising to have million interpretations of a same book in last 1000’s of years. I feel, we try to search our selves in those books. In addition to that external search of our self can we turn one page within? One page which completely describes ourselves as we are, maybe jealous, addicted, without accepting or denying it. “Just being.” It takes courage to look at our selves naked, as we are, without hiding fears and anxieties. If we can turn one such page of our own life in the book of our heart then there is a possibility of reaching the depth with which books in our shelves were written. You will not read then, you will drink the book, slowly. The words will go on a different journey in our being. You may laugh, you may cry with that book in front of you. The depth with which the author wrote and you read will be no different anymore. Can we look into one page out of 100’s that we are turning unconsciously in our daily lives? Then whether we have one huge personal library or not, it really doesn’t matter..

Weight Loss

Like Engineering Colleges, Nursing Colleges and B-Schools, every corner of the city got occupied with weight loosing parlours in last couple of years. Aim ? 36-24-36, wow! I’m going to reduce my weight. There are experts who can tell you what exercise to do to burn out which fat and tone up which muscle. It’s a science and an art. There were times when in a group photograph, if the photographer said “say cheese” we use to smile and say cheese. Now, for a snap people not only say cheese but also pull-in their paunch before the photographer clicks. We only said cheese, now we all eat a lot of it. A mirror shows up bulge on all the parts of my body which I have to work on. We are highly obsessed with obesity that we can see. Unfortunately, this external mirror doesn’t show me something important of me. It doesn’t show me the fat that my ‘ego’ has accumulated.

In fact, I very easily become a mirror of others’ ego e.g. I can see a lot of it in my mother, in my father, in my wife, building up in my children. My wife and I have long discussions about people’s ego, of the people we meet. Its so easy, literally happens, that you can make out how much egoistic the other is. The discrimination in my mind is so clear that I can have a scale of 100 and accurately tell how much ego somebody else has. Question is, where is the mirror to see my ego? I fight with auto drivers, with my wife, scold my children. I’m wondering whom I’ve not fought with. All those fights were because of my attachment to some traffic rule, some of my assumptions, my own conditionings. My conditioning is an infinitely big scaffold around me and jealousy, fear and anger is the fat stuck all around that scaffold. Melting that fat too is an art and a science.

Am I aware of my attachments, my scaffold, my beliefs, my fat? They are a very very very very deep part of me. And when the volcano erupts they flare out with tremendous intensity proportional to the depth of my attachment. Am I aware of them when I am not angry, while I am getting angry, while I am boiling with anger and when anger recedes? With all the body-fat can we also be sensitive about, obsessed about the I-fat? There are no parlours available to melt it, there are no treadmills to reduce it, no weighing scales to weigh it. Each of us individually has to look at it for ourselves. If we are seeing somebody else’s fat(ego) then remember that ‘I am seeing it because I have it’ and use that opportunity to jump into yourself, instantly. You may actually float if you lose the flab we spoke about :)

Escape from a narrow lane

Everybody interprets, so do I. Here’s my interpretation of ‘nikal bhi ja, nikal bhi ja’ song from Hindi movie “Short Kut.” I feel this song talks about freedom that one searches for. Freedom from simple things that we get caught up in e.g. I hurt somebody and then I realise that I should not have done that; I’m stuck in figuring out how do I fix it the next time but the same mistake repeats. Enjoy!

Hai nikal bhi ja - nikal bhi ja - patli gali se - nikal bhi ja

hai sahi hai kya - galat hai kya - soch ke apna - dil na dukha

If you choose between right and wrong, you will be trapped, you will hurt yourselves in any case (sometimes you may gratify yourselves too). But, if you can go beyond the right and wrong that the mind chose then what remains is a patli gali. Can you get away from that patli gali, a narrow lane? No, your mind cannot think of that patli gali, its that narrow?

oye kar nahi ghumle le shortcut - hey time hai kam le le shortcut

hey tujh ko kasam le le shortcut - chal de tu fatafat - soch na tule le shortcut

If you are hurt, you feel sad. Is there a shortcut to get out of this trap? There are 100’s of cases where a terminally ill patient has come out of his/her illness, after a deadly accident athletes have won a gold medals, people have won over death. How? ‘time hai kam’ has made a difference. When that truth dons on me that I may not survive the next breath my whole thought process transforms. Death gives a meaning to my life that nothing else had given. The million choices that mind keeps choosing from and dissipating energy in will reduce to minimum, one. You will love what you do, even a glass of water can give an experience of ecstasy which we had taken for granted only because we weren't thirsty. Isn’t that a shortcut to live life fully?

oye lambi hai queue - le le shortcut - oye chal buddhu

le le shortcut - chal de tu fatafat

abe nikal bhi ja nikal bhi japatli gali senikal bhi ja

If you wait to fix your life after fixing somebody else’s life there’s a long, unending queue of those whom you need to fix. You will be foolish to do so. You take shortcut, fatafat, fast. Fix yourself, that’s the solution. Nikal bhi ja..

do aur do ko baais bana - bech angoor ke bhaav chana

fayda tera jo kar sake - us ko laga maska us ko mana

arre ban chamchale le shortcut - arre yahi accha - le le shortcut

bhai sun bachale - le shortcut - chal de tu fatafat

This is your inside storm. If you are hungry enough your mouth will water even while looking at a running chicken. If you go beyond what you think is right or wrong your out of box thinking will be natural. 2+2 will look like 22, the taste of a gram will appear like that of grapes and grapes like watermelon. Its about impatience for the inside journey, not for outside matter. A spoon can stir things and make a difference and come out untouched like a catalyst, be a spoon. Dear child, listen, listen.

Nikal bhi jaa.. ho seedha chalega to gir jayega - teda chal raha hai

jo tedhi mile - sab se jo upar jaana hai to - chadh ja jahan bhi seedhi mile

Your definitions of straight and bent will be deeper than what was taught to you at school. Are you noticing that ladder is available everywhere, just that you are ignorant about it? Nikal bhi jaa..

kabhi aisa le le shortcut - arre kabhi waisa le le shortcut - arre de paisa le le shortcut chal de tu fatafat

The ways you have tried are not working, you need to explore, break your ways and experiment with different ways. Others’ ways are not shortcuts. Meaning of bribe also will not be a dictionary meaning. It will transcend boundaries that mind had created. Do you know these shortcuts?